You told me when you are happy, I will not see you. I really wish you are happy. However, when I am not the source, I can only see things slipping away from me. You, you and you...

It was like a fire, I suppose. Sometimes you want to play with fire. After you catch the fire, it is not as easy to control as you may think. Not easy, what you can do to put off the fire is to wait. Wait until the fuel is used up, wait until the feeling is lost. That is a terrible feeling, to be so kind to someone and so cold to someone. I think I can never to that. Everyone I like, probably I still like, I let thme know and understand me. It is a helpless process. When they treat me good, I feel like in the heaven. When ignoring me, I feel so sad indeed.

Yes, I am busy. Maybe I do not belong to the peaceful world. Maybe work, dinner, drink, sleep is a pattern. A metropolitan pattern that most of us cannot escape. I may know how to enjoy, but I do not know when I can control work, not let work to control me.

Even like that, I am helpless. One cannot fulfill dream if the dream is relying on the hard work of the others. It is never easy to keep things going if you are the only one turning the wheel.

Drawing pictures, reading books, writing songs, making nice coffe, eating with you, probably is the pattern of life I am looking for.

Support me, and you will see youself in my dream.